At 3, our preschooler, Jessie* started to understand words like 'boy' and 'girl' and 'he' and 'she'. She told us that she was absolutely, definitely not a boy. Jessie liked trains and she also liked wearing tutus and tiaras. Anyone calling her a boy or 'he' caused tears and sadness, and at 5 years old we were referred by her paediatrician to see the Queensland Childrens Hospital Gender Service.

 

The social work team at the QCH were kind to us, explaining how the gender service worked, answering our questions, and telling us that they were focussed on Jessie's wellbeing and mental health with no pressure to be anything more than a child exploring the world and learning about herself in the early years.

Over the years, as she matured past the toddler in sparkly tutus, she had posters of female superheroes on her wall, and started to look for LGBTQIA representation in books and TV shows. Jessie continued to be very distressed if anyone called her a boy and became very private and closed off about her body.

We were all caught off guard by the early arrival of puberty, and perhaps most of all Jessie, whose distress quietly grew. She privately started to starve herself in an effort to stop her body changing, and very quickly and shockingly developed anorexia.

Anyone who has supported a child with an eating disorder knows how scary and life threatening this illness is, and Jessie was so determined not to change that she had become very, very sick. It was sad to see her retreat from her family and friends. Her world had become very small and very distressing.

Accessing mental health care for her eating disorder, we learned that fear of puberty and becoming masculine was making her scared to eat and grow, and so we contacted the team at the QCH Gender Service. They confirmed through blood tests that indeed puberty had crept up on Jessie. It was time to start pubertal suppression which would halt the changes to her body that were so distressing, hopefully enabling Jessie to feel safe eating and growing again.

Since then, the turnaround in Jessie's physical and mental health has been truly incredible. Within months she had grown taller and returned to a safe weight. She is back laughing and joining in family activities and mealtimes. Jessie has had the energy and concentration for her schoolwork and for trying new things. She recently performed on stage at an end of year concert where we cheered and wept with joy at how far our gorgeous young person has come.

As a family, we have seen that despite all of our support and love, private mental health care, and a strong family and community around us, our child’s efforts to stop her body becoming masculine were making her very sick (anorexia is the deadliest mental health condition). We needed access to gender affirming medicine to get her through that time and see her return to the beautiful, kind, creative, young person she is. As parents we just want to see our daughter thrive. 
 

* Jessie’s name changed for privacy