Former QCH Gender Service Patient

 

Five years ago, I was sitting in the QCH emergency room writing a (mental health) safety plan and I felt there was nothing to live for. Today, because of gender affirming care I am thriving as an adult.

 

Four years ago, I was sitting in the waiting from at QCH’s gender clinic and that’s when that change started.

 

Today, I have a closer relationship with my family than ever before, a loving partner, a university degree and a tangible future for myself.

I was just a kid, only 15, and the way I felt about myself was defined by an immense sense of self-hatred. I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror, hear myself when I spoke or even just exist within my skin without being reminded of just how unhappy I was. The people in my life struggled to understand what I was going through and supporting me didn’t come easy. For them, they didn’t have education or resources and the only trans representation they’d seen were the victims on law and order.

That year was the worst year of my life, I spent every day in bed, I only talked to people online and I was just so scared all the time. I was just a terrified kid, a terrified trans kid with no hope in sight.

When my referral to the gender clinic was accepted and I got my first appointment, it was the first time I’d felt hopeful in years. Talking to my doctors, I was told I needed to improve my mental health before they could give me HRT. At the time, it felt devastating. Now, I know it saved my life. I knew that I needed this and I was going to do anything possible to get that. I got clean from self-harm (It’s been nearly 4 years), I let my psychiatrist change my medication and I started to talk to my family about what I was feeling, overtime they began to understand.

 

After months of seemingly never-ending appointments, the team treating me said they’d support my decision to go on HRT and all that hard work paid off.

I’m 20 now and I think any parent of a trans kid would be so proud of them if they turned out like me. After I started T, everything changed, my brain had felt like it was running on the wrong type of fuel but then suddenly, it wasn’t anymore. I began to look at myself in the mirror again and I was excited to speak because it gave me a chance to show off my voice. Every day I would rush to get up so I could put on my T gel whilst looking at myself and admiring the changes I could start seeing.

Everything changed for me after that. I went to university, made more friends than I’d ever had in my life and met my partner. The people around me were so proud of the man that I was becoming and it was like I was a whole new person again. Getting top surgery was the next step, I did that at 18 and I could confidently say that it was the happiest moment of my life so far. The biggest thing though is that I like myself now too.

Things are so good right now, I graduated at the top of my cohort, and I with my family around me being prouder than they’ve ever felt in their lives. Being a trans kid with even just the goal of getting hormones allowed me to become a trans adult.

No matter what anyone says, the care I got at QCH undoubtedly saved my life. I get to live that life now because of it. Please don’t take that opportunity away from the next little me that comes along.